When Homesickness and Anxiety Walk Into a Bar…..

Just kidding. . no bar, however, I feel like I have set the stage for y’all this past week; actually earlier today from when I wrote this. Now that I brought up a bar, I could probably use a drink. Let me go grab a glass of wine, hold on!

Alright, now that I have my glass of Pinot (and yes I literally left my IPad to go pour a glass of wine. I want y’all to feel like we are talking in person here so you’re welcome for creating this scene for you). I have mentioned in previous posts that I getting random waves of being homesick, especially on weekends, and I have mentioned that I deal with general anxiety disorder. Put those two things together and holy guacamole. It is like a rollercoaster of emotions or as one Anchorman has once said “I’m in a glass case of emotion!!!!” It can be overwhelming when you feel out of control. I have dealt with anxiety for as long as I can remember, but it got more severe after I graduated from college (undergrad). And when things pile up with having to make adulting decisions, the stress of work, getting homesick, and Mother Nature playing her part, my anxiety can feel crippling.

Over the years, I have found different ways to cope with my anxiety but many of those things are associated with Maine. Some of these outlets include hanging with friends, snuggling KitKat, going for a drive, romantically walking up and down the aisles of Target, etc. Thankfully, some of my coping mechanisms can be done here, like going for a drive and visiting Target. These are definitely things I have done while here but sometimes I just don’t want to leave my apartment or have the opportunity to go and do that. Therefore, I have had to learn new ways to help with my anxiety and for when I am feeling homesick.

What I Have Always Done

Talk to friends and family. This has always been my go-to. If you know me, you know I like to talk and that I am basically an open book. This is my way of coping with pretty much anything. I do not like keeping things in, I will literally tell you my life story, even if all you did was ask me how my day is going. I am so lucky to have people in my life who are fine with me talking their ear off (you know who you are).

Get out of the apartment. When in doubt, LEAVE THE APARTMENT. Get the heck out of dodge and just go for a drive, get a coffee, go for a walk, browse in stores, but just get up and go somewhere. In addition to me having the special skill of talking until the end of time, I also am the BIGGEST OVERTHINKER on the planet (I am sure there are more out there but I just know that I cannot get out of my own way most days). Some days just staying at home, binging a TV show, and slipping into a trance can be helpful but most of the time, that is the perfect formula for me to always be thinking about every potential scenario, issue, and whatever randomness I can think of that will work me up.

Meal prepping. I love to meal prep. It is my favorite thing to look forward to over the weekend. Knowing that I have a task like this on Sunday does actually help with my anxiety and distracts me from being homesick. This is something that I have always done in Maine so it gives me that consistency. I am just doing it in a more upscale kitchen. P.S. if you have any go-to meal prep ideas - LET. ME. KNOW!)

Organizing (but usually reorganizing my apartment, car, etc.). THIS IS MY FAVORITE THING TO DO EVER. If you know me at all, this is like what I do, good or bad. This is also your way of knowing that I am getting overwhelmed or stressed. Reorganizing a space or area helps me take control of a situation when I feel out of control. And where ever I am located is what will get reorganized. If I am stressed at home, the kitchen or pantry will be the target. If I am at work, you better believe I will not only reorganize what is on my desk but I will literally move around all the dang furniture in my office to make it different (for perspective, I have moved my office around in its entirety four times and considering doing it again this week and I have only been here for a little over 2 and a half months). You get the gist. Therefore, if you need anything (re)organized in your house, hit me up!

Talking to a counselor/therapist. I am a huge advocate for therapy. I have found it very helpful, once I have found the right fit. I certainly have had my fair share of not-great experiences when going to counseling/therapy where I did not really connect with my counselor/therapist. That is completely fine and can happen. At the end of the day, it can be really nice and helpful to talk to a professional and someone who is pretty much a third party in your life. My best experience with a counselor was actually right before I left for Florida. She specialized in cognitive-behavioral therapy style counseling which is my favorite and something I have been fascinated with since I was in college (I was a psychology major so it makes sense). Basically, CBT counseling is a much more structured type of counseling. You have a certain amount of meetings and have a structured focus or game plan as to what you are going to get out of the meetings. You also learn a great deal about how or why you may be stressed about a certain thing at certain times. It can be quite eye-opening and I learned a lot over the month or so of appointments I had with my counselor. I have yet to get a counselor since being down here but it is at the top of my to-do list.

New Things I Am Trying

Blogging! I know this is weird but starting a blog has been extremely therapeutic for me. Like I said earlier, I need to talk it out, whether that is verbally at someone or some other outlet. Blogging has been pretty much an open and virtual journal/diary that I can just get my thoughts and feelings on to "paper" and out of my head. It helps distract from any stress or homesickness that I may be feeling and it gives me something to do or look forward to.

Bullet journaling. This has always been fascinating to me and for the longest time did not think that this would be something for me or that I would be good at it. I have friends who bullet journal and it looks amazing. What got me to finally try and do this was when I was struggling to figure out how I want to organize my day, what type of planner I want to use (paper vs. virtual), etc. I love getting a new planner and supplies for the planner. However, it is a total process to find the right planner and for it to have the right components. I was not resonating with the ones I have or the ones I was looking for. Then I started seeing more things about bullet journaling on TikTok and had a freaking light bulb moment where I can make my own planner essentially with the components I want and color code it the way I want. It has been really soothing working on my bullet journal so hopefully, I can keep this going.

Exploring new places. This goes along with the whole getting out of the apartment item from previously. But with this, I can plan out more of where I am going and what to explore. Again, giving me something to look forward to on the weekends and learn more about what is around me. I know that this is really something I did not really do in Maine (I was there for about 12 years and there were still a ton of locations near the Greater Bangor area that I had never explored or new about) so I want to try and take this opportunity of being in a new place. Stay tuned for posts about these adventures!

What I want to try

Reading and crocheting. Now, these are things I would like to try but will I actually stick with these items, possibly not. If anything, reading would be more of what I could see myself picking up since I have a handful of books that I want to read but just haven't had the motivation to do it. Crocheting sounds like a great idea because it gives me a tactile distraction. When I get really anxious, I pick my fingers/nails (I know gross but transparency y'all. I can't help it). I feel like finding something to distract my hands would be really beneficial but I suck at it. Grandma Wheels back in the day try to teach me and let's just say Grandma Wheels was like good thing your good at basketball. So this may be something I should consider trying but I know I will potentially not unless Lisa Carter (that's right girl you getting a shout-out) wants to convince me otherwise. P.S. y'all need to check out Lisa's amazing work - great Christmas ideas ( Instagram @pointsnorthkinitting).

Well, wish me luck as I add more items to my repertoire.